Everyone Needs South Patrol

Outside after school, Lauren volunteers a story about her day:

Lauren: Mommy, today we learned about south patrol.

Mommy (is this part of Virginia's Confederacy curriculum?): South patrol? What's that?

Lauren (looking a little unsure): Umm, no not south patrol...

Mommy (hey, I know what she means, it sounds just like...): The south pole? Like penguins and stuff? What did you learn?

Lauren (still puzzled): No, not the south pole. It was self patrol.

Mommy (I got nothing): Self patrol?

Lauren (squinting a little like maybe this still isn't right): Yeah, self patrol.

Mommy(still puzzled): What's self patrol?

Lauren (giving up): Umm, no not self patrol. I can't remember what it was...

Mommy (wait! finish the story! rusty gears finally kick in...): Was it self control?

Lauren (relief): Yeah! Self control.

Mommy (knowing exactly what the answer will be): Well, you have lots of self control. Who doesn't have self control?

Lauren (shaking her head like a little teacher): S-H-A-W-N

Mommy: Maybe your teacher should have brought up self control a little earlier in the year.